WOAAAH getting baked before class is incredible. School's gonna be alright, I'm gonna do okay. I love school supplies and hiding upstairs in the library.



I WANT TO POST PICTURES BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO DOCUMENT THIS FEELING WHILE I'M FEELING IT. I HAD ONE OF THE BEST NIGHTS EVER TONIGHT. Without doubt. Thank you Hayley for not giving up and continuing to invite me out until I finally do it. You are a beautiful friend. Tonight after work I went to the Speakeasy with some of my favorite colleagues, Dylan and Haley. $1 well drinks. Fuck yes. We went good and organic, I had about 3 drinks--PERFECT amount for me these days. I was ridin the snake so damn good, I didn't want to go home and sit around on the couch like I always do. We always make big plans for going out and doing cool shit, but we rarely ever do it. EXCEPT TONIGHT.

After Speakeasy we came back to the house, and I felt like things were starting to look bleak. To my surprise, it took little convincing to get everyone up and piled in the cars, and then we drove down to the tracks on Morris on a whim. I know the tracks are a little juvenile for me, especially now that I'm all 22 and shit, but doing stupid teenage bullshit is so much better when you're old enough to take it all in for what it really is. We hopped up on a the tracks and walked for a long time. A couple trains passed--they are beautiful. I can't even describe what it felt like standing between two trains passing with the wind blowing and shit...it made me feel fucking amazing. Maybe it was the drugs. Whatever it was, I want to ride that snake forever. BEST PART: I FULFILLED A DREAM TONIGHT. I hopped a train--a train in motion. I don't know what made me do it. I'm usually sort of a chicken about shit like that. I always talk about it and want to do it and wish I did, but I never actually do it when the moment arrives. My body felt fucking incredible and my mind blanked out for a second and my hands just reached out and grabbed the ladder and my feet followed. I mean I probably rode the length of a football field, but the fact that I just fucking jumped was what was mind blowing. The rush...I can't even describe it. I wish I could feel like I felt tonight all the time. It was just fucking amazing.

God. I have pictures but I need to sleep. They'll be here tomorrow to remind me forever of this feeling.


kill yourself


shut up savannah, you sound like an idiot, nobody likes a fake, way to fuck shit up, i'm going to mail you a man-eating puppy, AND your myspace bulletins are ultra-gay.

its sucks that you aren't as awesome as i thought you were at first.




I treated myself to a dvd player yesterday so I can watch Harvey Birdman relentlessly on this tiny-ass tv on loan from Amanda THAT I'M SO FUCKING GRATEFUL to have. Anything to distract me from the rest of this empty, nasty house.
Man, I spent a lot of money yesterday. The best surprise is finding out you have more money in the bank than you expected. So I went and blew some mernies on dumb shit, and it felt real good. I've been stealing a lot more, too. I've acquired a tiny trove of treasures over the past week. One successful stealing spree is never enough. When I start, I don't want to stop. Coming to this realization has caused me to believe I may have some sort of addiction to it. I like to situate my stealings into little piles when I get home and admire them all together. Sometimes I'll add up the amount I didn't spend on them. Its rarely things I need, or even want. Sometimes its just because I know I can put it in my purse and leave with it.
Yesterday was a great fucking day. No work, Josh/Leslie time, washed all the clothes, cleaned the house extensively, Rachael's birthday, then some Leslie/Colin hang out time. The latter of which isn't frequent enough. God, I've missed that dude's company. I know I fucked up a while back, I know we should probably be closer, and I know I probably don't deserve his friendship. I also know I've never felt as comfortable around a guy as much as Colin. I know I don't have much to lose, and I know I should probably tell him how I feel. I just don't want to scare him off. Whatever happens, I hope we're back in each other's lives for a while.

I need to stop convincing myself drinking is fun. I always know what the outcome is going to be, and the outcome is always hours of unsatisfactory poos and unrelenting headaches. There's just this tiny part of me that refuses to let go of the love for bad decision-making.